The trouble with me is that I summarise everything I learn into a simple thing. Even troubles, I give them a main header at the top. Somehow I manage to get the main ideas in an argument, I overlook the tiniest important detail. This is why I always underestimate everything, even arguments, projects, troubles, homework, and such... and end up finishing them late.
BUT. God is the only concept, the only thing, the only something I cannot manage to summarise in a single, simple sentence. Before, I thought I could understand God, how He worked, what He did, and predict everything... And how absolutely wrong I was!
I am a darned wretch, as tattered and filthy as any beggar on the streets. Like the beggars, I am also searching for something... an answer to this life I am now living. Surely there is more than studying, working, or even making friends!
The trouble with me is that I thought I was great.. greater than anyone else... and I had totally failed to see this abominable pride in myself. I had thought I was the bestest, though I cloaked myself with false humility. Now I understand why I had doubts, why I doubted God, why I doubted my love for God.
I have yet to understand... in fact I doubt I can ever fathom the depth of God's love for Man.
All the times I tried to restrain myself, control myself, make myself seem great or good or obedient... they are of no use... for both the wise and the foolish come to the same end (as said in Ecclesiastes). Even when I tried to convince myself.. it just seemed of no use either.
Oh Lord!!!
Connect my heart to my mouth, that I may speak with truth... yet set a guard over my mouth, that false lies will not be spoken.

Ecclesiastes 5

Stand in Awe of God

1 Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.

2 Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few.
3 As a dream comes when there are many cares,
so the speech of a fool when there are many words.

4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5 It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. This doesn't mean you don't make any vows... it means that when you make vows, you'd better mean it with all your heart.
6 Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands?
7 Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.

15 Naked a man comes from his mother's womb,
and as he comes, so he departs.
He takes nothing from his labor
that he can carry in his hand.

16 This too is a grievous evil:
As a man comes, so he departs,
and what does he gain,
since he toils for the wind?
17 All his days he eats in darkness,
with great frustration, affliction and anger.

18 Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him-for this is his lot. 19 Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work-this is a gift of God. 20 He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

Ecclesiastes 12
13 Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
And this is the whole purpose of this fleeting life.. to serve God and His purpose.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.

What is more important than loving people?
Humanitarian efforts are noble and commendable. In fact, you can find many Scripture verses that encourage loving human relationships. Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." He emphasized the need to love others when He told the great story about the humanitarian Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37).

But we have to remember that Jesus encouraged love for one's neighbor as an evidence of one's love for and devotion to God (John 13:34; 15:9-12). Prior to the story about the Good Samaritan, He said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind" (Luke 10:27). In another situation, Jesus said that love for God was the first and greatest commandment (Matt. 22:37). Love for your neighbor is noble but inadequate, a "grasping after the wind," unless you first love the one true God.

The great love chapter of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, proclaims the greatness of love. But this love is possible only among those who know what it means to be loved by God and to love Him.

Loving others, as good as it is, falls short of giving the foundation on which to build our lives. We need a reason to love that goes beyond this life, a love that is rooted in the love of God (1 John 4:7--5:3).

Many people react negatively to the idea that they should fear God. They believe that God is loving, kind, and gentle (which He is). They emphasize that for the Christian, God's wrath against his sin has already been taken by Christ on his behalf, So is Solomon's advice good only for the unbeliever or for people in Old Testament times? No, because Solomon is speaking of the need for all men to fear God and because the call to fear God is emphasized in the New Testament as well.

What does it mean to fear God? People who have irrational phobias--fear of heights, small places, crowds, elevators, telephones, water, darkness, or bugs--often seek out psychological help to overcome their unnatural and debilitating fears. The fear of God, though, is not an irrational emotion. It makes logical sense when you understand the facts about who God is and what He is like.

The biblical concept of the fear of the Lord involves a recognition of the power, greatness, authority, and holiness of God. It is a healthy fear. It means we respect Him, shudder at the thought of His judgment against our sin, hold Him in awe, reverence Him, recognize Him as absolute Lord, and honor Him. The right kind of fear, the fear of the Lord, drives us to the Lord--not away from Him!

Why does God want us to fear Him? As Solomon said, fearing and obeying God is the whole purpose of life. When we fear, reverence, and honor the Lord, we show that we recognize Him for all that He is. We therefore stand in the proper relationship to Him as a creature before the Creator. To fear the Lord shows that we take Him seriously and we desire to please Him with all that we do and say. It demonstrates that we realize we are accountable to Him for how we use every minute of every day.

Why do I feel so empty inside?

Job 34:31-33
"Suppose a man says to God,
'I am guilty but will offend no more.
Teach me what I cannot see;
if I have done wrong, I will not do so again.'
Should God then reward you on your terms,
when you refuse to repent?
You must decide, not I;
so tell me what you know.

How wretched I am. I thought I had righteousness, I thought I was the right one, but I still felt like God wasn't answering... so like Job, I asked God to show me his paths, correct me where I went wrong, and asked for strength to overcome those temptations and wrongs.
No!
This was not the way!
For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God... how wrong I was to look at myself with the wrong standard, justifying myself and accusing God!
Lord, if you want to, make me clean.

God Answers Prayer!

I'm the Facilities Manager of my class (i.e. I'm the one who assigns people or does cleaning up the classroom, fans, tables, dustbin etc.) I also have to make sure all lights, fans, computers and LCD projectors are switched off. Come every Monday, during IRS time, when mentees meet their mentors, people from other classes use our class computers. It always happens that they never switch them off after use. Well, 4 days ago, I decided to commit my problems to God, and I committed this problem to God too (meaning I trusted in Him to take care of this problem). Guess what? When I came back, none of the mentees were in my classroom, instead their mentor was seeing them outside my classroom! It is comforting and wonderful to know that G.A.P. God answers Prayer!

On Tuesday, I had stayed back for CCA, up till around 5. It had been raining quite heavily, causing Xinying to stay and wait for the rain to stop. She saw me and asked whether I had an umbrella, so I agreed to lend her mine. I then asked God, "God, please make the rain stop so that she and others can go home safely." By the time I had walked to my bag from the other side of the school, it had stopped raining!
Again, G.A.P. :)

Satan may send storms of fear and doubt, but remember to walk in faith and trust in the Lord for all your needs. He is your Lord and Saviour. Being Jesus' soldier is a lot better and brings more joy!

I've got a testimony to make!
Praise the Lord!

I had a music lesson today, with my formidable piano teacher. Before I went, I read my sis' "Daily Bread for Girls and Boys". Flipping through, I reaffirmed so many basic truths, like the Ten commandments, Love one another, talk to God anytime, and confessing our sins. It provided a variety of different scenarios which little kids could relate to. So, as I was walking to my teacher's house, I decided that I would use my talent in music to serve God. I truly wanted to.

I have to confess: I had not practised my piano playing for an entire week, since the last piano lesson. Bad me! Now I know, I'll try my best so that I can serve God... but then, for the entire week, I had CCA and CO rehearsals, preparing for yesterday's SYF Chinese Orchestra Central Judging (We got silver). It was an emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually taxing week.

Back to my piano lesson: I was really worried my teacher would scold me again, but I told God I felt sorry for not practising, and I put my faith in Jesus, that He would help me. So He did. I managed to play through the sight-reading, most of my simple Beethoven piece, and the entire of my 3rd exam piece. The last one, I had not played for 2 whole weeks! Yet, as I played, I prayed and trusted Jesus to help me. And He did. As I played, I suddenly remembered several important points and previous mistakes, including several new insights as well! I have to thank Him for helping my teacher to keep her cool, be patient and more understanding.

This lesson was truly a miracle.Without His help, I might not even have made it home in my usual self.
Praise the Lord!

God is so good (Hallelujah!)
God is so good (Hallelujah!)
God is so good
He's so good to me!

He took my sin (Hallelujah!),
He took my sin (Hallelujah!),
He took my sin
He's so good to me

Letting the Spirit be in control, I think, is to allow Him to be in charge of your actions, your thoughts, your speech, and everything else. We cannot accomplish it on our own, but we must ask Him to come into our lives and take control.
I find an inner peace within me after I have prayed...