The trouble with me is that I summarise everything I learn into a simple thing. Even troubles, I give them a main header at the top. Somehow I manage to get the main ideas in an argument, I overlook the tiniest important detail. This is why I always underestimate everything, even arguments, projects, troubles, homework, and such... and end up finishing them late.
BUT. God is the only concept, the only thing, the only something I cannot manage to summarise in a single, simple sentence. Before, I thought I could understand God, how He worked, what He did, and predict everything... And how absolutely wrong I was!
I am a darned wretch, as tattered and filthy as any beggar on the streets. Like the beggars, I am also searching for something... an answer to this life I am now living. Surely there is more than studying, working, or even making friends!
The trouble with me is that I thought I was great.. greater than anyone else... and I had totally failed to see this abominable pride in myself. I had thought I was the bestest, though I cloaked myself with false humility. Now I understand why I had doubts, why I doubted God, why I doubted my love for God.
I have yet to understand... in fact I doubt I can ever fathom the depth of God's love for Man.
All the times I tried to restrain myself, control myself, make myself seem great or good or obedient... they are of no use... for both the wise and the foolish come to the same end (as said in Ecclesiastes). Even when I tried to convince myself.. it just seemed of no use either.
Oh Lord!!!
Connect my heart to my mouth, that I may speak with truth... yet set a guard over my mouth, that false lies will not be spoken.