I remember what it feels like, to be stuck in a darkness so deep, it seems impossible to fly out, let alone crawl out of it. I felt so defeated, just wishing I could leave this world... maybe it'd be better then.

But I tell you... there is hope yet.

Psalm 18: 28 You, O LORD , keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Ecclesiastes 11:7 Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.

John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

More helpful links.

When we just can't STOP.

Psalm 146
1 Praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD , O my soul.
2 I will praise the LORD all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

3 Do not put your trust in princes,
in mortal men, who cannot save.
4 When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.

5 Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his God,
6 the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them-
the LORD , who remains faithful forever.
7 He upholds the cause of the oppressed
and gives food to the hungry.
The LORD sets prisoners free,
8 the LORD gives sight to the blind,
the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,
the LORD loves the righteous.
9 The LORD watches over the alien
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

10 The LORD reigns forever,
your God, O Zion, for all generations.

Praise the LORD .

Exam Sunday!
11.11 am. My sister and I arrived at the place, got 2 blue mugs, with sweets stuffed inside and a pack of cheese rings on top, and a wire deco holding a Bible verse. Mine said, in cursive writing, "Jesus (L)s U".
We started with some icebreakers. Eg. I was to direct my sis, who had closed her eyes, by pats on the head and shoulders to the Mentos sweets scattered behind. Then there was the Chinese whispers, where a message was passed from front to back. It got distorted with some funny pink water and yellow shirt thing.
Came worship time. We sang 4 songs. First "Lord Reign in me", then "Hold me in Your arms", "God is good, all the time" and ending with "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord".

Open The Eyes Of My Heart
Written by Paul Baloche

E
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
B
Open the eyes of my heart
A E
I want to see you, I want to see you

(chorus)
B C#m
To see you high and lifted up
A B
Shining in the light of your glory
B C#m
Pour out your power and love
A B
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

© 1997 Integrity's Hosanna! Music

The words of the song just rang so true to me, because the past few days I've felt blinded to the truth, ignoring everything. So by the end of this song, my eyes were brimming with tears. But it didn't last for long... right after this we had to be seated.

Next came a performance by 5 guys, vocalist, 2 guitars, drums and flute. I can't remember the names of the two songs or the lyrics, but the performances were really amazing... esp since they had a limited time to practice. The first song had a chorus that went "I need You, I need You, I need You" and the second one something like "They say that faith can [dunno what] They say ... walk on water, They say [more amazing stuff].
After the above was a talk on God's view of success by Mrs Angeline Leong [I think]. We started with Matthew 5, The Beatitudes (Be-attitudes), which were godly values. The opposites of these godly values were worldly values, which is how the world views success. Eg..

Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

'Meek' in here means humble and submissive, I think. The opposite, worldly value is that those you should be go-getters, who believe that if you don't go and do something yourself you would get left behind.
So the speaker continued explaining the rest of it. She moved on to the example in the Old Testament about Joseph, son of Jacob and servant of Potiphar.
He was betrayed by his jealous brothers, sold to merchants, and bought by Potiphar as a servant. Potiphar's wife took a fancy to him... but he refused, being pure in heart. So she threw him in prison, and he stayed there for 30 years (I think), and slowly he was well-liked by the fellow prisoners. One day Pharaoh's winepresser and baker were jailed for being suspected of poisoning the royal cup. Both of them had dreams that confused them, so Joseph, with God's help, interpreted the dreams.. and he was correct that the baker would be hanged because he had poisoned Pharaoh's cup. The winepresser was restored to the royal service... and then Pharaoh had a confusing dream which confuddled his magicians and wisemen. So the winepresser told him about Joseph, and they got him out. Pharaoh was so impressed by him that he made Joseph prime minister of Egypt. The whole story can be found in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Coat" as well.

So you see, she said, Joseph's track to success was an unconventional one, from servant to prisoner, then becoming Prime Minister... all because he trusted God and kept himself pure and righteous. The whole point of her talk was that the world views success differently as compared to the godly view. In the worldly view you have to work hard in exams, then get a good job, and if possible a big car and a big house. But the world is ruled by the devil, Satan, the ruler of this world. So obviously it's way different.
So she summed up by saying that we have to continue trusting in God, even through these difficult times, because He might want you to learn something. Even if you fail. The important thing is to trust and have faith in Him.

After the talk we had catered food for lunch: Mifen, popiah and chicken wings, with pink jelly after that. I enjoyed the mifen most. By this time it was already 1.30 pm, and we had to go. So we left. I took an extra white mug in case anybody wanted. It had a springy wire with a holey message on it. :)
Mug=cup=study hard for exams.

If anybody knows the lyrics, please tell me.

Extreme sorrow and confusion. Don't know how to pray, don't know what to say.
Why?
Head filled with dozens of little question marks, popping up everywhere.
Exam Sunday this week.
Robot, with outside mechanisms okay-lah, inside, need lots of oiling and repair. Heavy heart.
Am not understanding a lot of things.
What am I to do? I really don't know what to do. What happened? I don't understand at all...

The Love of God

The love of God is greater far
than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
and reaches to the lowest hell.

The guilty pair bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
He reconciled and pardoned from
and pardoned from his sin

Could we with ink the ocean fill
and were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
and every man a scribe by trade

O Love of God how rich and pure
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints and angel's song

When all time shall pass away
and earthly thrones and kingdoms fall
when men who here refuse to pray
on rock and hills and mountains call

God's love so pure shall still endure
all measureless and strong
Redeeming grace to Adam's race
The saints and angel's song.

An old Hymn by F.M. Lehman.

This was taken from the Christianity.com Forums.

Exam in 1 week's time. Hard times, but they make you strong. :)
Keep walking in Faith.

So... This week so far has been lit so brightly with the Truth.

John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

During the September Holidays my life wasn't exactly in order... on Tuesday, my only free day, I felt so down and out I played an online multiplayer game... and lost communication with God. Then from Wednesday to Saturday was CHV all through, all day, very busy.

On Sunday... the people at Youth Fellowship gave out neoncoloured flyers for Exam Sunday.
Anybody want to go? It's on 28 September 2003, Sunday, from 11.30 am to 1.30 pm, and lunch is provided. If you're feeling stressed and depressed... come on and listen to God's view on Exams.
Then I read The Bondage Breaker... and realised I had been living in the devil's deceptions all along... I can't exactly remember it now... but some examples are like, fear of people, fear of not being perfect, fear of sinning.... The good news is You are clean, totally all white once you believe in Jesus Christ as your Saviour, the only Person who can help you. God loves you no matter how tattered and torn you are. He has shown His love...

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. "

God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are One (also called Holy Trinity) though I cannot explain why or how it is so... I am so limited in my knowledge.

So... even though yesterday I felt fluey already... I knew that I didn't have to submit to my flesh and let myself feel tired, because Christ is in me. I didn't have to follow what my body wanted to do.
But yesterday even though I promised God I'd spend time with Him, asking Him about decisions, I didn't... that's why I felt guilty today... losing communication... and even arguing and being all arrogant and proud, thinking my opinions were more important... I'm sorry to those people. No names.
And just now... I spent about an hour in Quiet Time, reading 23 Chapters of Genesis... it shows how wise and just and faithful God was and is to us.
Because I was in a dilemma whether to opt in or out for Councillor interviews... I got really desperate since yesterday. And since:

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

So I asked God for wisdom. I found out several reasons why I wanted to be a Councillor... all selfish reasons. Definitely not good. So I asked for confirmation of a 'No." If it was heads, I would go. If it was tails the 2nd time, I would go. I wanted to make sure my decisions were in line with His will.
So I flipped.
And... it was tails, then heads! I wasn't feeling so right about being one... and this is the confirmation! This is an answer! This is a revelation! I feel so happy now. So I decided to blog.

Yay. Countless(Thank Yous) to God!

Piano Exam Day.
Grade 8. Clive Simmonds. 11.03 am. 5 supporters. The warmest exam room ever been in. Plaza Singapura, Yamaha studio 122. 2 incorrect scales. Horrible arpeggios (4). Hard keys. Loud sounds. Not too bad pieces. D minor sight singing, sing from memory, and modulations. Interrupted cadence. Baroque period? Bach? Suite? Not sure!!! Terrible B major sight reading. Argh.
Total score= Bleagh.

Even if you are feeling helpless and about to sink in a muddy quicksand pool, thinking you're a helpless idiot who's so weak... remember you have an all-powerful, omnipotent, omnipresent, and loving God. Admit to God your sinful and helpless condition, say you're sorry with sincerity, and accept His help.
Philippians 4:13
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

There's no excuse for sin either. (Ezekiel 18) Go to "Our Daily Bread" for more help. Or check out Psalm 32.

< End of Post >

Do I have the right kind of Faith?

Oh no. I've just deleted an entire post by accident. Here goes again...

God takes care of everyone even in the smallest possible way.
Matthew 10:29 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father."

Yesterday I was feeling desperate, not knowing where to get the planks for MAF. My father and I had frustrated each other. But then my counterpart called and said that the planks had been ordered. Phew.

Today, I had to pass a message to someone. But I had been tired out. Just as I was walking through the door, I met her. Phew too.

These things might seem insignificant and even coincidental, but to me it shows how faithful and loving God has been. I have missed out many other things that He has done too.
1 Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

These few days have been desperate. I've felt like a total disaster, hating the way I treated others with snob even though I was supposed to be a Christian, and hating myself and my ways. A storm of stress. But God accepts us as we are; He is willing to make us clean of our sins no matter how ragged or filthy we feel. The good news is, His goodness lasts forever. It does not mean that if you've sinnned after you've accepted Christ as your Saviour that you need to be cleansed again. It's like God giving you a check saying "So-and-so's sins have been eternally cleared from his account. Those sins have been taken care of by Jesus Christ, who was raised from the dead."

It isn't worth talking about the countless things going on in my life right now; ranting away seems to make the itch itchier. Try this.

I remember how the past few days have been so busy, so dark, and so dim. I had not prioritised my time, having no time to talk to God in prayer and dedication. I feel guilty about not spending quiet time with Him. It's just like walking on a rugged road, with the mist everywhere around you, and God somewhere behind the grey mist. "Where are you?" I cry out.

Yet God is faithful; he brings us to troubles and He will keep us through them. It's like He's trying to purify you with fire; it'll burn, but it's for a short time; after that you'll be something better.
Therefore put your hopes in God, and His promise of your salvation and heaven.

Remember: He's always there, guiding you on the hard path, offering you His refuge and shelter.
Check this out.
The Christian's life is about a race, many struggles. It's not an entirely smooth ride; there'll be battles to fight, but God promises that we can always be victorious through them with His help and strength.

Anyone knows the difference between a believer and non-believer?