Praise the Lord!: Dealing with my life

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Dealing with my life

Thinking of... "You are I AM"

Psalm 55

4 My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
6 I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-
7 I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
8 I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm."

It's as if God is slowly healing me of the deeper, unresolved, more painful problems and memories within me. Last 'chapter', He taught me how to pray. This chapter in my life, He's helping me deal with perfectionism.

I had been so legalistic without knowing it. I'd set high expectations of myself and others, and then felt like I never really lived up to them, and thus felt so unworthy and unloved. But I've just known about how it doesn't really matter.

His love is not shown by how much I have done to gain His approval; it is shown by how much He has done in my lie to change me from within.

A lot of people don't really know what's been happening to me, or what happened in the past in my life. It's filled with painful and disappointing memories, all that come rushing back with regret. My heart is broken, and it desperately needs healing.

And I turn towards the One who will accept me for who I am; the One who is always seeking in many ways to change me into a better person; the One who has shown His love for me so many times. I cannot do it on my own, nor have I found anyone or anything else like Him.

Psalm 55
22 Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.

So I will look forward to this time of healing in my life.

How could I live without You
How would I survive
Without Your love, without Your touch
You're the one that heals me,
Cleanses my heart,
And sets me free

Now I come right before You
With my hands lifted up
And my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hung there and died
You were paying the price
For my life, for my life

Chorus
For Your love
Is higher than the heavens
Is deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life

No one else can satisfy my soul
And make me feel this way
Only You Lord
Only You

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Name: macaroni mee

Location: Singapore

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Psalm 42
For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. 
As the deer pants for streams of water, 
so my soul pants for you, O God. 
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 
When can I go and meet with God? 
3 My tears have been my food 
day and night, 
while men say to me all day long, 
"Where is your God?" 
4 These things I remember 
as I pour out my soul: 
how I used to go with the multitude, 
leading the procession to the house of God, 
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving 
among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? 
Why so disturbed within me? 
Put your hope in God, 
for I will yet praise him, 
my Savior and 6 my God.

My soul is downcast within me; 
therefore I will remember you 
from the land of the Jordan, 
the heights of Hermon-from Mount Mizar. 
7 Deep calls to deep 
in the roar of your waterfalls; 
all your waves and breakers 
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love, 
at night his song is with me- 
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock, 
"Why have you forgotten me? 
Why must I go about mourning, 
oppressed by the enemy?" 
10 My bones suffer mortal agony 
as my foes taunt me, 
saying to me all day long, 
"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? 
Why so disturbed within me? 
Put your hope in God, 
for I will yet praise him, 
my Savior and my God.

Romans 7:14-25
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! 
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Psalm 139:1-19

O LORD , you have searched me 
and you know me. 
You know when I sit and when I rise; 
you perceive my thoughts from afar. 
You discern my going out and my lying down; 
you are familiar with all my ways. 
Before a word is on my tongue 
you know it completely, O LORD .

You hem me in-behind and before; 
you have laid your hand upon me. 
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? 
Where can I flee from your presence? 
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
if I make my bed in the depths, [1] you are there. 
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
if I settle on the far side of the sea, 
even there your hand will guide me, 
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me 
and the light become night around me," 
even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
the night will shine like the day, 
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother's womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you 
when I was made in the secret place. 
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 
your eyes saw my unformed body. 
All the days ordained for me 
were written in your book 
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! 
How vast is the sum of them! 
Were I to count them, 
they would outnumber the grains of sand. 
When I awake, 
I am still with you. 
...

Psalm 13
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? 
How long will you hide your face from me? 
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts 
and every day have sorrow in my heart? 
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. 
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; 
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," 
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; 
my heart rejoices in your salvation. 
I will sing to the LORD , 
for he has been good to me.

Psalm 84:10-12
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; 
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. 
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; 
the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. 
O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Psalm 23   The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. 
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Proverbs 3:5-7   Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, 
and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

Philippians 4:8   Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever thingsare pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Myself, I am